


we came crying hither.

by Finally_Home



Category: INFINITE (Band)
Genre: Angst, I Tried, M/M, Poetic, Shakespeare Quotations, Short, Sunsets, Very angst, i was so proud of this but no one likes it :((, this is old
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:46:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22154242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Finally_Home/pseuds/Finally_Home
Summary: Sunggyu walks the distance between sunsets and smiles, and Howon falls in love.
Relationships: Kim Sunggyu/Lee Howon | Hoya
Comments: 6
Kudos: 9





	1. all.

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [the great attractor (and gravity binds you to me)](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/548647) by dementedkenji. 



> playlist:
> 
> [yesung - all but you](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2__9tJNi77s)

_ Thou must be patient. We came crying hither. _

_ Thou know’st the first time that we smell the air _

_ We wawl and cry. _

_ -King Lear; Act IV, Scene 6 _

Howon is seventeen when he meets him. He sits on the low stone steps, and the late autumn sun shines amber rays upon him. He is illuminated in all his beauty, ethereally golden, and when he glances up from his notebook, a mildly surprised look on his face, Howon feels his heart stop.

It’s not that he’s particularly handsome; no, but his eyes curve in perfect crescents, and the sunset turns his dyed brown hair into a halo. Howon knows; he knows that this boy will forever have a place in his heart.

\--

The boy’s name is Kim Sunggyu, and he is two years older than Howon. “I’m a grade above you,” he laughs, absentmindedly tapping a pen against the side of his notebook. “You dance, don’t you? You’re good.”

Howon is surprised, although not unpleasantly. In fact, his heart skips a beat in excitement. “Y-yeah,” he stammers, grinning. “You’re in the Hongdae group, aren’t you? I’ve always really liked the songs you do.”

“Really?” Sunggyu’s smile is shy, and he glances towards the sunset. “Thank you.”

His voice is quiet, and a wistful look comes over his face. Howon says nothing, running his fingers through the tassels hanging off of Sunggyu’s backpack. He knows the older boy has more to say, and he doesn’t want to interrupt.

“I wanted to be a singer.” Sunggyu’s quiet voice penetrates the silence. He continues to look at the setting sun, although his eyes are misty, far away. “I wanted to stand on a stage and sing for fans who loved me. I wanted to be in a group that supported me. I wanted to have fun, work hard, cry, sweat. I wanted to be myself, do what I wanted to do.”

He shakes his head, dropping his gaze to the ground. “But I couldn’t. They forced me to enroll, threatened to take away my financial support. I couldn’t do it.” He looks up at Howon, helplessness and resignation and anger in his eyes. “Do you want to follow your dream?” he asks softly. “If you do, go take that path you want to go down and never come back.”

Howon holds his gaze - sadly, regretfully - and eventually, Sunggyu looks away. “No,” he scoffs, shaking his head. “No, you’re the same. You’re the same as me, just another one lost. We’re one of the same, Howon, but you deserve better.”

“No.” Howon takes Sunggyu’s shoulders and looks him in the eye. Sunggyu is surprised, he can tell. “We deserve the same. We were afraid, scared of what would happen if our families abandoned us. We were young, naive, but now, we know better. Tell me, Sunggyu, tell me you wouldn’t live it now, given the chance, tell me you wouldn’t.”

“I would,” Sunggyu answers without hesitation. “But Howon, we can’t. It’s too late.”

He stands up, and Howon’s hands fall off. Sunggyu looks down, one more time, and his gaze softens. “I’ll see you around, Howon,” he says softly.

The sun sets, and Howon is left with the wind, the sound of skittling leaves, and a feeling he might have called love.


	2. but.

_ Out, out, brief candle! _

_ Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more: _

_ It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. _

_ -Macbeth; Act V, Scene 5 _

Howon does see Sunggyu around. Sunggyu smiles at him passing by, acknowledges him with a nod when he sits down beside him during lunch, but they never talk.

It’s an art, the act of sitting in silence. It’s tricky, how to make the silence comfortable, but Howon thinks it’s okay. Everything is okay if Sunggyu is smiling, which he is most times. He smiles at his notebook, tilts his head with a smile, and writes smiling. Howon wonders how such an expression can look so soft, and how ethereal a person can look wearing it.

“Are you a creative writing major?” Howon finally asks one day, breaking their silence. Sunggyu glances at him, smiles, and continues to write.

“Yes,” he answers, pen never stopping its journey across the page. “I live off my imagination. What about you, Howon?” He puts down his pen, leans his elbows on the table, and smiles. “What do you do?”

Howon wants to reply, he really does, but the smile on Sunggyu’s face makes his heart beat and his breath quicken, and he feels a prickling heat crawl up his face.

“I’m in chemistry,” he finally says. He looks away, clears his throat, and misses Sunggyu’s head tilt. When he looks back, Sunggyu’s smile has shifted slightly to the right - Sunggyu’s left - and his gaze has turned just a bit more interested.

“Tell me about it,” he says quietly. “Tell me about yourself, your life. I want to know you, Howon.”

The day slowly passes, and Howon tells Sunggyu about his family, his brothers, his dreams. He tells him how he once crashed a car into a neighbor's front lawn, how he once almost fell from a tree onto the ground, how he once accidentally knocked over a candle and nearly set the house on fire. Sunggyu chuckles, laughs, and nods, resting his face in one hand. His eyes remain fixated on Howon, never wavering, and Howon finds himself breaking under it.

“What about you, hyung?” he asks, a challenge faintly shining in his eyes. Sunggyu hums, pulling himself up, and stretches.

“Well, Howon…”

Howon learns a lot about Sunggyu. He learns that Sunggyu was born into a poor family, that his parents worked long hours for short wages, that he never had time to find himself. He learns that Sunggyu once found two baby birds on the ground, took them home, and took care of them. He learns that when they died, Sunggyu cried. He learns that Sunggyu loved to read, was intelligent beyond his years, yearned to find his place in society. Howon smiles, hums, and nods, leaning his weight on his elbows. His gaze drifts to Sunggyu’s hands, elegant and refined, and listens to Sunggyu’s melodious voice.

Sunggyu could have been a pianist, Howon thinks in a daze. He could have been anything he wanted to be, if only he could have had it.

“Lee Howon?” Sunggyu’s soft voice breaks into his thoughts. Howon lets his gaze travel back to Sunggyu’s face. Sunggyu is still smiling, although now, it seems to be a sad smile.

“You need to sleep.” Sunggyu stands up, gathering his notebook. “I’ll see you around, Howon.”

He throws back one last dazzling smile, and Howon feels his heart break.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was very much only a oneshot writer back then and it shows


	3. you.

_ The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars _

_ But in ourselves, that we are underlings. _

_ -Julius Caesar; Act I, Scene 2 _

Sunggyu disappears from campus, disappears from Howon’s life. He stops going to class, stops walking down the hallways, stops sitting at the cafeteria during lunch. It seems as if he just simply stopped existing.

Howon asks around, but no one remembers seeing a boy with dyed brown hair named Kim Sunggyu. No one remembers softly curved eyes, soft pink lips, soft smiles. Everything about Sunggyu is soft, and perhaps even his existence. Perhaps he has always been a bit out of focus, soft and blurred, and Howon misses his softness.

Autumn comes and goes, and slicing wind blows through. Howon misses the gentleness of autumn, of Sunggyu, of sunsets. Howon misses the comfortable silence of sitting around, the quiet scritch-scratch of Sunggyu’s pen on notebook paper, the small sighs he would release as he wrote. Howon misses the orange he had always associated with Sunggyu.

Without even knowing, Howon realizes that he had given a part of his soul to Sunggyu, a part of his heart, and in turn, Sunggyu had given him his. Had Sunggyu known? Had he realized and loved as Howon had? Had he cared?

Howon lets his heart shatter into pieces amongst the twirling snowflakes, and he lets the cold seep into his body. Sunggyu was warm, but now he’s gone. Sunggyu was Howon’s life for one brief period in time, and Howon hates him.

He loves him.

He falls asleep, wrapped in blankets that don’t compare to Sunggyu, and he dreams.

He dreams about Sunggyu.

He dreams about a man named Kim Sunggyu, a man who walks through time, fixing hearts that are broken. He dreams about a boy named Kim Sunggyu, a boy who committed a sin so terrible, he was forced to fix others in place of himself. He dreams about a man he loved, a man named Kim Sunggyu, a man who would never return to his life, could never be seen again.

Howon dreams about a boy called Sunggyu, a boy who possesses the softest smile the world has ever seen, a smile filled with centuries of pain, decades of longing, and above all, two months of love.

Howon wakes up in tears.

_ we came crying hither. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm still trying to figure out how to work with ao3 so don't mind all these notes pls

**Author's Note:**

> crossposted on aff; this is actually quite old and i was really sad that not many ppl liked it sobs


End file.
